5 Key Steps To Resolve Difficulties In Your Relationship

People frequently come to me for coaching and advice about how to resolve difficulties in their relationship. In this article, I would like to share with you the 4 most common mistakes people make and how this keeps them stuck. I would also like to share the 5 key steps they take to resolve their difficulties.

The 4 most common mistakes are:

1. To focus on the other person and what they are doing wrong, seeing this as the primary cause of the problems in their relationship.

2. To believe that there is no way to overcome the negative feelings or loss of feeling that exist between them and their partner, rather than realising that good feelings and love can be reborn.

3. They believe that they have no personal power to be able to transform the situation.

4. They think it is easier to begin again with a different person instead of realising that they will simply repeat the same mistakes unless they learn how they have contributed to their current situation.

So, if you are currently experiencing difficulties in your relationship, take a moment to be honest with yourself and reflect on which of these 4 errors you are currently falling prey to. Then read on to gain a different perspective.

Let me now share with you the 5 key steps that you can take to resolve your difficulties. They are:

1. Increase your capacity to influence others. In reality every person has a tremendous capacity to influence the people around them; they simply need to believe that they can. The basis of this capacity comes from developing surety about yourself, staying true to what is important in your life and the values that you choose to live by. The more you keep your focus on the actions you can take and the changes you can make the more influential you will be. Every time we focus on someone else or problems that are beyond our sphere of control or influence the weaker we become. Some of the other steps below then increase your skill at influencing others.

2. Transform the feelings between you and re-develop trust. Have you ever been in a situation when you have felt really angry with someone and yet they responded to your anger in such a way that you just couldn?t maintain the emotion any longer, even ending up feeling closer and warmer towards them? If this can occur in these moments then it can happen with any emotion. The basis of this transformation comes from trust. In these cases the other person nearly always transforms the anger by demonstrating that you and your feelings are important to them and by showing you understanding and respect. They then take the appropriate action in accordance with this understanding and respect. They will normally do one other thing and that is to listen to you neutrally and once the trust is regained to lead the relationship to a lighter or more joyful note.

Of course, your situation may be the other way round and you feel colder or more distant towards your partner. Now, there may be some real issues that need to be resolved, however, there is usually also an element of putting too much emphasis on their faults. It is ironic that in the early stages of a relationship we have a tremendous capacity to filter out any imperfections that the other person might have and in the rose tinted haze of love we enlarge their virtues in our mind. Yet as the relationship progresses we steadily begin to do the reverse. We focus on their faults, giving them great emphasis and grandeur in our mind and somehow all the things they bring to the relationship or do well, seem to get smaller and smaller or even filtered out completely. So it is well within your power to reverse this trend and focus once again on all the positive aspects of their personality and what they say and do.

3. Learn to manage and control your feelings and emotions. Our feelings are essential as they are the life blood of a relationship. They also inform us when things are not going as they should or when there are problems that need addressing. However, too often we ignore the feelings when they first begin to prick us and put off dealing with the situation until it becomes emotional and dramatic. This brings the problem that when you are emotionally charged you are much less intelligent in your communication and ability to handle a situation. Additionally, the emotional charge will be instantly picked up by the other person putting them in a defensive frame of mind. When we are emotional, very little listening occurs and the bed rock of good communication and a good relationship is listening.

4. Use the power of your non-verbal communication to improve your relationship. Did you know that over 90% of what you communicate comes from your body language and your tone of voice rather than the words you say? Therefore, one of the best investments that you can make is to learn how to improve your non-verbal communication and ensure that it says just what you want it to say.

5. Learn to speak in a way that people will listen to you. You can also learn step-by-step how to communicate with your words as well as your body language in a way that people will listen to you. To some people it seems contradictory; however, that this begins with listening to the other person to truly comprehend them. Think about how many times you listen in order to correct the other person or to give your opinion? This immediately reduces their motivation to listen to you. However, in addition, you can learn to become very precise with your words, keeping them neutral and concise. This means you will be clear about when you are giving your opinions, when you are stating facts, when you are expressing your feelings and when you are talking about your needs, desires and wants.

There is so much you can do to transform a relationship which has lost its charm, to rekindle the love and fun. I have had the honour of accompanying many people as they fall back in love with each other again. Although in reality what they do is rise in love together. Whatever happens, what you are guaranteed is to learn how to be really great in relationships which will sooner or later be reflected back to you not only by your partner, but also by your family and friends. I believe that relationships are the source of some of our greatest joys in life and I wish you much happiness, fun and love in yours.

Source: http://www.streetarticles.com/enhancement/5-key-steps-to-resolve-difficulties-in-your-relationship

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