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Leaving Home with a Trash Bag

// August 18th, 2012 // abandonment, Adoption Processes, Cultural Concepts, Journeys, Resources, Support, Survival Strategies, Things That Worked

I want to spend some time talking about the Foster Care System, my experience with the system, and its relationship to adoption.

Foster care refers to the system with in a state that cares for minor children when it has been deemed by the court and a child protection agency that the minor?s parents are unable to properly care for them.? Southern California has thousands of children in the foster care system at any given time.? Some foster parents are wonderful temporary parents, some of them have dubious motivations, and some of them make headlines in the LA Times because something disastrous happens to the child under their care.

At best, it?s a system that?s overloaded, underfunded, under monitored, and often the stories of the children are heartbreaking.? Years ago my sister and I did some volunteer work for several nonprofits helping foster youth who were going to be emancipated from the system at 18 years old.? Most often they are given a trash bag for their belongings, and they are sent out to find their way in the world?after a rocky beginning, an unstable childhood, and no resources.? As I often say, ?I believe we give felons some money when we release them from prison, but these young people just get thrown out into the world to fend for themselves.?

As you can imagine, many of them can?t help but fail, and with little or no support,

the remaining young adults have a very difficult time navigating the expensive world in?Southern California.? Over the years, Jan and I have organized and presented several career programs to better educate and prepare these 18 year olds to step out into the world. ?Every time I looked at these bright, tentative young faces, I tried to imagine my three children totally independent from me at 18.? Even with all the support and life lessons I have given them, I know they would have survived?but I?m not sure they would have thrived.

Foster care is a system where there are children that need adopting.? However, most often when a foster child is eligible for adoption, they are no longer a newborn, an infant, or even a toddler.? Many brave and caring people go down this path, and I applaud them.? There are many resources to promote better understanding for both the adopters and the adoptees; and to build a more definitive process.

I want to introduce you first of all to the Dave Thomas Foundation, through a post that my husband Steve wrote for the magazine.? Please enjoy his post, watch the video with a Kleenex in your hand, and I will talk more about foster care, adoption, and the foster care adoption process next week.

Adoption Is Complex and Wonderful
By Steve Ballback

I am writing this article from my point of view as an adoptive father. I have learned a great deal about adoption since Jane and I first adopted our three children. I read her blog and magazine religiously and realize that there are many points of view about this very complex subject. ?In this article I do not want to diminish any point of view or philosophy, but I want to share with you an experience I had that reminded me of why I am so happy to be an adopted Dad.

I was sitting in a large room with a few hundred other people waiting to be called to serve on jury duty. This was my first time being called and I brought everything I could to keep myself entertained while the process unfolded before me.? A very nice young lady was standing in front of us telling us how proud she was of us for doing our civic duty. The time seemed to drag on when something happened that gave my whole day new meaning. A young man came out to give us more information and just before he dismissed us for a break he put a short film on the screen that hit me in a very profound way and gave me a clear picture of what adoption really means to me.

The short ten minute film that they showed us made the entire day worthwhile. It was a film about The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and the incredible work they do for foster kids. The real impact for me was the children and their stories from the ages of eight to their early teens. The recurring themes in all of their stories was the desire for a stable family environment with parents who loved them and really cared about them, and living without fear.? One little boy about eight with big brown eyes and tears on his cheeks explained to the camera that ?I would always see the kids with families?but never myself.?

As I was watching this film I realized that this is exactly why my wife and I adopted ? to create a family and give our children all the love and stability that they deserved.? If we had not taken these children, then another family would have or they would have grown up in an orphanage. If I had the chance to do it again, even with all I know about adoption issues, I would.

I know the world isn?t fair and that in a perfect world there would be no adoption, every family would stay together, and the children would be raised by their birth parents. That is not the case however, and I can?t change it.? I can only do the best I can with what the world gives me.? It gave me three wonderful children who are now wonderful adults who I taught to think for themselves, work hard, and enjoy their lives. With these tools they can be productive, happy individuals and make the world a little better.